Never mind the Chicken Little naysayers bemoaning America’s current economic “crisis.” There’s plenty of money to go around—if you’re a TV star.

TV Guide releases its list of highest-paid performers in television Thursday, bringing comfort to all of us who’ve been worried about the fiscal well-being of our favorite celebrities. Among the top boob-tube earners:

• Charlie Sheen takes in a whopping $825,000 per episode of Two and a Half Men. (That’s before Denise Richards‘ lawyers get done with it, of course.)

• CSI‘s William Petersen uncovers $600,000 for every episode of the crime drama.

• Mariska Hargitay of Law & Order: SVU rings up $400,000 per ep. (That’s $200,000 per breast!)

• Thanks to a recently inked deal with 20th Century Fox Television, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane is $100 million richer.

• The Simpsons‘ voice actors rake in $400,000 per episode, without ever having to show their faces.

• American Idol judge Simon Cowell picks up $50 million per year for acting like an insufferable jerk, and earns every penny of it.

It’s a wonderful country!

• Video
• Images
• Web

More Video Results »

Hulu
ABC Nightline: Charlie Sheen 'Goddess' Tells All

Hulu
TMZ on TV: Harvey to Roast Charlie Sheen

Hulu
TMZ on TV: Charlie Sheen's Mexican Adventure

Charlie Sheen - Charlie Sheen Photo (17777039) - Fanpop

Charlie Sheen Praised for Bipolar Awareness Walk

Charlie Sheen's Court Hearing Postponed Again Until August

Charlie Sheen's Winning Super Bowl Party
(TMZ) Charlie Sheen's Super Bowl party was better than yours ... WAYYYY BETTER ... 'cause he had chicken wings, ribs, sliders, cookies and some of the GREATEST BASEBALL PLAYERS OF ALL TIME!! Sheen hosted the bash at his Beverly Hills mansion ... and the ...