What is Lindsay Lohan listening to? Place your bets! It could be anything from Peruvian monk chanting to the new Jessie J / Ariana Grande / Nicki Minaj song to the the book-on-tape version of Infinite Jest. Who can say? Only Lindsay can. I can only say that today’s winning captions are as good as whatever she’s listening to. So read ‘em:
Attention, Katy Cats: we want to hear you roar!
Katy Perry, reigning Queen of Pop, has teamed up with Staples for the #MakeRoarHappen campaign, which supports school teachers with much-needed funds for classroom projects. That in and of itself is cool enough, but it gets even better because we’re giving away a guitar signed by Katy herself to help raise awareness about the campaign. Want it? Read on for information on the ultra-easy way you can enter.
My friends, my friends, the internet was not so kind to us this week, I’m afraid. Sure, there were a few amusing things here and there, but was any of it good enough for you? Sadly, not really. Still, in addition to the amazing video of Kristen Bell playing a done-with-it Mary Poppins above, I was able to scrounge up a few other things you might find amusing.
Domenico Crolla, creator of this Kim Kardashian pizza and loads of other celebrity pizzas, thank you. Thank you for combining my two biggest obsessions: eating and cheeses cut in the shape of human faces. And another thank you to today’s caption contest winners, for your captions made me giggle. Shall I share them as one shares a pizza with good friends? Yes, yes I shall.
If you print out this photo of Beyoncé as Rosie the Riveter, you can gain entrance to Beyoncé’s Gun Show. Again, this won’t get you into her actual current tour. In fact, it won’t get you into much of anything. Beyoncé’s Gun Show is a thing that doesn’t actually exist, and you probably should have known that. It’s not my fault for misleading; it’s your fault for believing me. Oh, you wanna try and sue me now? That’s how you want things to be? Well, all I have are today’s winning captions. Pretty good deal, if you ask me.
The 2014 Battle of the Bikini Bodies wrapped up last week, and we’re all still a little sad about that. *Pours one out for #BotBB2014* And yet, its conclusion gives us an opportunity to move on to, some would say, more exciting things. Like Battle of the Buff Beach Bodies, which, full disclosure, is just Battle of the Bikini Bodies but with hot men (who are not, I should clarify, wearing bikinis). Are you ready, ladies and gentlemen?
Hugging is awkward for some people, just as high fives are awkward for others (me). Selena Gomez, though so very talented in many ways, may look as though she’s experiencing some kind of neurological episode while attempting to hug — I think it’s a hug? — a fan, but nobody’s perfect. Today’s winning captions are pretty perfect, though.