The new season of Desperate Housewives premieres on September 28. To celebrate the “even juicier” incarnation of the nighttime soap, Eva Longoria, Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman and the gang have produced a promo spot.

Choreographed to a remake of the Peggy Lee classic “Fever,” the clip sheds crucial light on what viewers can expect from the upcoming season.

Not really. It’s actually even more perplexing than those Britney Spears/Russell Brand promos for the Video Music Awards.

There’s emoting! There’s spinning! There’s, uh, apple-eating! And, for some reason, there’s Eva Longoria dragging her fingers across her lips and distorting her face into a grotesque death mask at the 24-second mark! Check it out below:

What; no James Denton twirling across the screen in a Speedo with a rose clenched in his teeth? Guess you can’t have everything.

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