jurisprudence

Whiny Nick Hogan Gets His Wish

by Michael P on Jun. 5, 2008 05:52 PM / 7 Comments

2008's top candidate for World's Biggest Twat, Nick Hogan, has been granted permission to exit solitary confinement in Florida and join the general population.

It's time to tape those buttcheeks together and pray for morning, lil' guy.

The son of famed wrestler Hulk Hogan, reality star Nick is serving eight months in a Florida prison for the August 2007 street-racing crash that left his best friend, John Graziano, in a permanent vegetative state.

Hogan, who had been drinking before the crash, had previously given interviews proudly stating that he regularly broke speed limits in his series of sports cars.

The criminal was initially placed in solitary confinement because of his age (18), and the fact that he's short, blond and has an aura of "please beat the shit out of me because I'm a tool."

After having a request to live with his mother under house arrest turned down by the judge, Nick will now join three other juvenile offenders in a cell, complete with a television.

The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office stated to TMZ the transfer was made as a result of "ongoing assessments of inmate situations."

Squeaky entitled wheel gets the grease. Careful what you wish for, Nicky!

Quotables /

“Nick Hogan finally got his wish yesterday, and now his dream has come true and he's locked up with three sweaty young men.

The numbers don’t lie. Nick Hogan was all alone in a “rape free” jail cell, but then he cried, probably while pawing at himself, until they locked him in a cage with three naughty young boys. It is amazing how much that dude craves cock. I've seen people crave cock before, but it is god damn unbelievable to see how badly Nick Hogan wants it. And how often too. Whatever, I'm not here to judge. You go for it, Nick!”

“That’s the jail cell Nick Hogan is spending the next 7 months in, the one that’s causing him “unbearable anxiety.” Is that . . . is that a combo toilet/sink? He effectively ends a man’s life and he’s rewarded with a combo toilet/sink? That lucky bastard! What convenience! After I go number two, I have to walk a good two feet to reach my sink. Yet another case of celebs getting the white glove treatment in jail.”

Celebslam

“Nick Hogan was transferred out of solitary yesterday and moved into a cell with three other juvenile roommates. For the record, the decision was not made because of Nick's lawyers bitching to get him out on Tuesday, but because of routine assessment of inmates' living situations, according to the AP:

Pinellas County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Cecilia Barreda says housing assignments are routinely reviewed because the jail's population constantly changes. That created an opportunity to house juveniles together.

I guess someone's missing his fortress of masturbation-tude now. Oh, you don't know what you've got, till it's gone. But, in all seriousness, Nick's very happy now. I hear there's nothing quite like spooning at shiv point. It's breathtaking almost.”

The Superficial

“The 17-year-old son of Hulk Hogan has been moved out of solitary confinement despite the fact that a judge denied Nick's transfer request on Tuesday that claimed it was "cruel and unusual punishment."

Hmm, I think that watching your mom date a friend of yours from church is infinitely more "cruel and unusual," but that's just me.

In the end, it looks like Nick got what he wanted and he's now sharing his cell with three other juvenile inmates.”

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Comments / 1-7 of 7

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notobsessed 1 yr 5 mos ago
Reply

I can't believe they actually moved him....he deserves solitary confinement .... and it didnt even sound THAT bad. Better than what his friend got!
pictureperfect 1 yr 5 mos ago
Reply

At least they didn't allow him house-arrest. I hope the judge gave him crap for being such a baby.
drama4mama 1 yr 5 mos ago
Reply

WHAT? Our legal system is whack.
mcdreamyisme 1 yr 5 mos ago
Reply

"has an aura of 'please beat the shit out of me because I'm a tool.'"

SO TRUE.
hispanicatthedisco 1 yr 5 mos ago
Reply

There's nothing wrong with Nick Hogan that a roll of duct tape and a pair of needlenose pliers couldn't fix.
ballier88 1 yr 5 mos ago
Reply

dude i liked him so much on the show. too bad hes such a tool in real life.
lisatee 1 yr 5 mos ago
Reply

his head is enormous. no wonder they moved him - it probably doesn't fit in his cell.