Keanu Reeves Isn’t Fat He’s Just Older And, Like, Woah

at 2:30 pm | By

We would all like to be immortal and only die lithe and vibrant and only when we’re ready but life is short and cruel so deal because we all will become Fat Keanus one day.

Dude just shows up to the Cannes Film Festival to promote  his debut film as a director, the kung-fu valentine, A Man of Tai Chi, but gets promo for it thanks to how old and paunchy he looks this week.  (He’s 48, btw, probably about 215 lbs. fully-carbed, Utah. )

The lone bright spot to come of this is that, finally, our aging pretty male movie stars are getting the same respect as their female counterparts. Because in Hollywood, unless you’re Betty White, every day that passes brings you one step closer to rotting in a shallow grave dug for you by British tabloid editors. As civilians we should all be happy that our deaths will be much quieter, even if our corpses have double-chins.