After one week and more than 125,000 votes (!!!), the dust has finally settled, and we are now ready to announce the results of our 2013 A-POP-Calypse showdown.
Who survived? Who got slaughtered? Take my hand, pop lovers, and journey with me into the rubble…
The A-POP-Calypse Predictor began with a simple question:
Britney Spears‘ as-yet-untitled eighth album is our first A-POP-Calypse victor!
We then asked which artist had the best first single. The results, as you can see, are (not at all) shocking:
You bettah work, Britney Army! You’re two for two!
From there, we wanted to know who you thought would release the best music video this era. (Not so) Strangely enough, the only artist in the poll who has not yet released a video, once again, came out on top:
We don’t have to wait long for the proof, though. The video for “Work Bitch” is out tomorrow!
We moved onto what was supposed to be an unbiased question about opening week sales. After some scientific research and calculations, we found that your response may have been slightly biased, but hey — we won’t be sad if Britney does outsell everyone else her first week. Make it true, Britney Army!
It’s getting a little bit awkward in here for the other pop boys and girls, don’t ya think?
You’re probably starting to sense a pattern emerging, but stick with us. You never know when we might experience a TWIST! But as you can see, the twist hasn’t happened just yet:
This is pretty uncomfortable for you, huh, Little Monsters?
The next question had to do with what the critics will say. The critics have not yet spoken, but clearly the Britney Army has:
If you’re feeling saddened, non-Britney Army readers, just remember: critics are, like, worthless.
Now let’s talk Grammys and VMAs and other shiny statuettes:
Back to the charts! Katy and Miley already have #1 singles from their new albums, and yet…
I may have lied about that TWIST!
We move now to the penultimate category, and I’ll just put this here because what else is there to say:
Congratulations, Britney. You win everything. Literally everything.
EXCEPT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TWIST! There is one category that Britney did not win. Congratulations to Lady Gaga, who managed to snatch one weave (which is more than we can say for poor, poor Miley)!
Unfortunately, your one victory is not exactly something to be proud of.
So, in the end, Britney still wins!
Congrats, Britney! Congrats, Britney Army!
As the Queen herself says in her new song:
You wanna win all the categories
You wanna shame all the Little Monsters
You bettah vote, bitch!
A huge THANK YOU!!!!!!!! to everyone who voted and made the A-POP-Calypse an event to remember!
Don’t forget to check out our Daily Buzz Carrie special