Speaking with Harper’s Bazaar, the “Born This Way” crooner says that she’s been taking time to overcome some of her demons, including her struggles with bulimia and anorexia.
“I am better with food. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore,” she boasts to the publication. “I’m also better at not letting people take advantage of me. Five years ago, when I spotted someone with a hidden agenda, I allowed them to stay around me. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored it, then they would eventually see me again—that I’m a human being and not a doll. But it doesn’t work that way. I speak up now.”
Perhaps throwing shade at former friends Hilton and Jennifer O’Neill, the latter who launched a lawsuit against Gaga for alleged unpaid wages, the songstress goes on to describe her journey is ridding herself of negative energy.
“I went through a rough time last year. I felt very taken advantage of by people I trusted,” she explains. “I asked my mother, ‘I work so hard. I never stop. I never say no. Why doesn’t this person love me, Mom? Why was this person willing to hurt me to help themselves? Why wasn’t I enough? Why is money more important than me?'”
“She reminded me to forgive others for not seeing God where I see it. I see God in my fans,” Gaga says of her mother, Cynthia Germanotta. “She said, ‘You’re hurt because you don’t operate this way. You are fiercely protective of your inventions because you are your fans.’ She helped me understand my own feelings.”
Gaga tells the magazine, “I became very depressed at the end of 2013. I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn’t even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn’t feel like fighting anymore. I didn’t feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me.”
“I really felt like I was dying—my light completely out. I said to myself, ‘Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family.’ Depression doesn’t take away your talents—it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it,” she adds. “I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”