Speaking to Elle UK, the “Timber” crooner recounted the days leading up to her decision to seek help for an eating disorder, describing her first day in the treatment center as “the scariest of my life.”
“As I lay in the tiny, bare room, crying and clutching a stuffed lion that Mom had given me, I worried what people would think. I was battling an eating disorder — but I knew people would assume I was here for other things,” she said. “Sure, I’ve written songs about partying, but my dirty little secret is that I’m actually incredibly responsible.”
“I’ve always tried to be a crusader for loving yourself, but I’d been finding it harder and harder to do personally. I felt like part of my job was to be skinny as possible, and to make that happen, I had been abusing my body,” she continued. “I just wasn’t giving it the energy it needed to keep my healthy and strong. My brain told me to just suck it up and press on, but in my heart I knew that something had to change So I made the decision to practice what I preach. I put my career on hold and sought treatment. I had to learn to treat my body with respect.”
Explaining that “the music industry has set unrealistic expectations for what a body is supposed to look like,” Kesha said she became “overly critical” of her own body and weight.
“I felt like people were always lurking, trying to take pictures of me with the intention of putting them up online or printing them in magazines and making me look terrible,” she told the publication. “I became scared to go in public, or even use the internet.”
In January, Kesha — with help from her mother — checked herself into Timberline Knolls just outside Chicago, Ill., which is the same facility Demi Lovatowent when she was battling anorexia and problems with self-harm. Kesha stayed at the treatment center for two months where she “started to not worry about what people thought.”
“I feel stronger now,” the 27-year-old said. “I’m not fully fixed — I am a person in progress, but I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Even I need to be reminded that we are who we are. And when I say that, I f**king mean in, now more than ever.”