Behaving Badly, a new film starring Selena Gomez, Nat Wolff, Mary-Louise Parker, and Elisabeth Shue, opens in select theaters today. What would normally be cause for celebration — who doesn’t love them some Selena Gomez? — has instead turned out to be cause for a resurgence of the Selena Gomez Cry Face meme, as the film currently holds a zero percent rating on film review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes.
According to my sources (Wikipedia), the plot of Behaving Badly, which reads to me like “BETTER THAN CITIZEN KANE,” is as follows:
16-year-old Rick Stevens (Nat Wolff) and his crush Nina Pennington (Selena Gomez) embark on a rock ‘n’ roll-themed odyssey together while Nina deals with her overbearing boyfriend, Kevin (Austin Stowell)
The film’s poster, below, features Selena blowing a kiss, which, again: how does that not imply a quality film?
Having not seen the movie and therefore judging only by the description and the poster, Behaving Badly sounds like it should have a 100% rating, and yet it does not. Is this some kind of algorithm error? Or perhaps the critics have conspired to unfairly punish Selena for remaining so flawless? Something foul is afoot, that much we know for sure!
A couple of sample pull quotes:
“Aside from a few lines of juicy bad language, Gomez plays the innocent in this fast-paced screwball farce, which is full of cheerful vulgarity but dangerously low on wit, charm or narrative logic.” – Hollywood Reporter
“Selena Gomez is adorable and manages to float away unscathed. But other than that, it’s an unfunny comedy, populated by irredeemable sociopaths.” – RogerEbert.com
At least that one had something nice to say about Se-QUEEN-a!
“One of the worst pictures of 2014, a tribute to Risky Business made by people who only read the synopsis on the back of the DVD box.” – Blu-ray.com
Ouch. For posterity:
Our thoughts are with you during this trying time, Selena. We’ll try to take this as a positive; perhaps if your film career stalls, you will start releasing more music. We really liked “Come & Get It.”
Stay strong, Selena!