25 Celebrities Respond to the Destruction of Their Careers by Adele’s ’25’

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The Event Album We Deserve
Why We Need Adele's '25' Now More Than Ever

Something tells us they aren’t crying because they’re feeling the emotion of the music.

Adeles massive 25 drops tomorrow — buy it on Amazon! — and if the success of lead single “Hello” and first-week sales predictions are any indication, no other release this year (or next) will compare to its impact. Sorry, literally every other person who makes music!

We, the editorial geniuses at Celebuzz, reached out to the aforementioned creators of pop and asked for their reactions to the sure-to-be-historic release. We were able to, not coincidentally, get statements from 25 popular artists.The results were overwhelmingly dark. Fortunately for the visually minded — though, it must be said, also bizarrely — each artist also provided a GIF to suit their troubled feels. These reactions are all definitely 100 percent real, meaning that I didn’t just make them up in an attempt to throw shade. I repeat: these statements are authentic.* Please, now, find out what today’s most popular artists have to say about the return of Queen Adele.

1) Rihanna: “Don’t phucking ask me about R8 until at least 2024.”


2) Mariah Carey: “Me. I am Mariah. The forgotten chanteuse.”


3) Sam Smith: “Wait, she’s back? What in the actual f*** am I gonna do? Her absence was my entire brand!”


4) Lady Gaga: “I’m having PTSD flashbacks to 2011.”


5) Beyoncé: “I have not responded to a direct question in over a year, and I won’t be starting now.”


6) Britney Spears: “This really isn’t cool or very cool or fun or sexy or personal or cool.”


7) Taylor Swift: “NO! This was supposed to be my time! WHAT WILL BECOME OF MY SQUAD?”


8) Nicki Minaj*throws shade on Twitter and in every award show acceptance speech for the next three years*


9) Katy Perry: *grows very old waiting to be popular again*


10) Nick Jonas: “How many times do you think I’d have to take my top off to sell like that?”


11) Demi Lovato: “I’m no longer feeling ‘Confident’ about my relevance.”


12) Selena Gomez: “At least I beat Demi. I’ll always have that.”


13) Kelly Clarkson: *fades into nothingness while sobbing*


14) Miley Cyrus“I gave my album away for free and still moved less copies. WTF? Here, let me show you my v-hole. It will make us all feel better.”


15) Ed Sheeran: *transforms back into a potato*


16) Iggy Azalea: “Fwuganagagarbage goo blarpoo!” (Also a line from one of her freestyles.)


17) Madonna: *In a fake British accent that poorly mirrors Adele’s own* “I remember what being No. 1 was like, all of those centuries ago…”


18) Ariana Grande: *compulsively licks donut while watching “Focus” slide down the iTunes chart*


19) Rita Ora: “I’m actually quite honored you felt I was a big enough name to reach out to. Thank you.”


20) Shakira: “My hips don’t lie, but my eyes do cry.”


21) One Direction‘s Harry Styles: “This really is the icing on the cake that has been our shit year.”


22) Christina Aguilera: “#BuyBionicOniTunes”


23) Justin Bieber: *has a public outburst, spends a year disingenuously apologizing for it, begs newly-found God to boost Purpose‘s comparatively small opening week numbers*


24) Lana Del Rey: “Goodbye, ‘Cruel World.'”


25) Drake: “So you’re saying ‘Hotline Bling’ has no shot at the No. 1 slot? Absolutely none? What about my dancing tho?”


*Nah, tho. They’re all bullsh*t. Made ’em all up. Just so we’re clear, legally speaking.

Go buy your copy of 25 (if you haven’t already), and I’ll see you on the other side.