The letter, titled “Head Stuck in a Cycle I Look Off and I Stare,” was published on the official Born This Way Foundation site on Tuesday (Dec. 6, 2016). In it, she discussed how she “wrestled” with whether she should share her story publicly.
“There is a lot of shame attached to mental illness,” Gaga explained, “but it’s important that you know that there is hope and a chance for recovery.”
She revealed that her illness was triggered by the stress she felt during her tours. “The experience of performing night after night in mental and physical pain ingrained in me a trauma that I relive when I see or hear things that remind me of those days,” she wrote.
“I was overworked and not taken seriously when I shared my pain and concern that something was wrong. I ultimately ended up injured on the Born This Way Ball. That moment and the memory of it has changed my life forever. The experience of performing night after night in mental and physical pain ingrained in me a trauma that I relive when I see or hear things that remind me of those days,” Gaga, 30, continued.
The “Perfect Illusion” hitmaker also revealed that her PTSD symptoms include dissociation, which has her feeling like her body is in one place and her mind is in another.
“When this happens I can’t talk. When this happens repeatedly, it makes me have a common PTSD reaction which is that I feel depressed and unable to function like I used to. It’s harder to do my job,” she said. “Everything has become harder.”
Head over to the Born This Way Foundation site to read Gaga’s full letter.