Though the couple are currently in a good place, a new video about 4:44 released on Tidal Monday (July 10, 2017) suggested things weren’t almost so great between the powerhouse duo. In fact, Jay-Z admitted there were a lot of lies when he first married the “Hold Up” singer.
“This is my real life. I just ran into this place and we built this big, beautiful mansion of a relationship that wasn’t totally built on the 100 percent truth and it starts cracking,” he recalled of their previous domestic problems. “Things start happening that the public can see. Then we had to get to a point of ‘OK, tear this down and let’s start from the beginning.’ It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
The 47-year-old also shared an anecdote from the time he had to beg his wife to stay. Without mentioning Beyoncé by name, he said he was absolutely crushed when he realized his partner was about to walk out on him.
“I was on a boat, and I had the best time,” Jay described without mentioning Bey’s name. “I was like, ‘Man, this is great.’ Then she had to leave. I was, like, crushed. ‘Man, I don’t even feel like this. What is happening to my body right now?’ I don’t even feel like this. Did I just say, ‘Don’t leave?'”
Realizing he had to change his ways, Jay-Z said he confessed to all his lies and vowed to become an honest man in order to save his marriage.
“We’ve been in that space where we just got to the place that in order for this to work, it can’t be fake—not once,” he explained. “I’m not saying it wasn’t uncomfortable because obviously it was, but because we’ve been doing it for so long it was less uncomfortable.”
Jay-Z’s revelation came after he confirmed he had cheated on Beyoncé and apologized to the mother of his children for his past indiscretions.
He rapped on 4:44’s title track, “And if my children knew, I don’t even know what I would do / If they ain’t look at me the same / I would probably die with all the shame / ‘You did what with who?’ / What good is a ménage à trois when you have a soulmate? / ‘You risked that for Blue?'”